Self Help Junkies are people who read self help books constantly, which I do read by the way. Over the years I have met three different groups of people at conferences and seminars related to the self help industry. If you or someone you know might be a Self Help Junkie, I want to let you in on the secret of the people who achieve real success in life. The three key obstacles to your real success.
Interestingly there are three very similar groups in the business world that I run into at conferences and training seminars. As I spend more time in the world of acting, I am seeing a similar pattern here. Nad Lott pointed it out to me without realizing it at a recent CD workshop he was teaching and I was attending.
Success in any endeavor always starts within the person seeking it. Your success is within you, not me or anyone else. If you have read this far, I think it is safe to assume that there is some area of your life you would like to become more successful in, or some skill you can become more successful at. Let me show you how it is done.
My first venture down the path of becoming a self help junkie started with an infomercial. I didn't buy the TV deal, instead I went to the local library, found a similar book and devoured it. When I returned the book I felt empowered, the world had no limits for me and I was ready to take on anything. Six months later, nothing changed. Sound like anyone you know?
Next I signed up for a multi level marketing or MLM program. Another signature move of the Self Help Junkie is signing up for a new MLM every couple of years. Sometimes the MLM's actually work, but they didn't for me. Six months later I was in the same place. Hopelessly addicted to hope, I knew there was better, I knew I could do better, I just wasn't.
Maybe "groups" is the wrong word for the different types of Self Help Junkies. Really all self help junkies are the same, addicted to hope. The lucky ones just move through phases. Replace MLM with "New Product Line" and you see the same pattern in small business. Actors get here through several paths since it is such a crazy life. Maybe we should call the groups "phases".
Stuck in the first phase in my late teens early 20's, I started "collecting" self help books. Some I would toss as "bunk" others were added to my library, and if I attended the authors class I would get a signed copy.
Ironically the key to hitting the next phase was being drilled into me by the military while I was "failing" at self help. In the military I was on a marksmanship team, and was getting quite good at hitting very small objects at very long distances. I was being noticed and promoted, yet my focus was on my "self help success". I didn't even see how quickly I was outpacing my peers du to the training, skills and personal success I was achieving on the team. I was looking right, and going left at top speed.
The next phase if you will, is justification. People will take any little progress and attribute it to their self help activities. I have seen people brag about making tons of money at real estate conferences only to find out later they can't pay their bills. At business conferences, I have seen dealers buy a new product line they "need" to pay the bills from the one they picked up last year that didn't sell. This is the make or break phase, and I have gone both directions in different industries.
I convinced myself that all the self help and new product lines were working as my business was going down the tubes. Since lots of other businesses were having difficulty, I found those people and we commiserated about the "bad timing" of the industry. All the while my competition was stealing clients right out from underneath us all.
The final phase is the breakout phase. This is where you make it or break it if you haven't given up already. Getting here is a challenge in itself, and this may be very new territory for you.
During phase one the key missing is accountability. There is no one but you holding yourself accountable. If you never make it out of this phase, you can only blame yourself. In the military, I didn't have a choice. Other people held me accountable. This is where our society is breaking down now. We don't teach responsibility and accountability in school.
So how do you move to phase 2? How do you become truly accountable to yourself? Simple goal sheets work for most people, however there is a danger here of trying to do what you love. There are a lot of self help books saying to do what you love, which is a great hobby. The important thing is to love what you do. If you can't love what you are doing or trying to do, get out now.
I have met real estate agents at my classes who say "I just want to make $100,000 then I am out". They don't love real estate and never will. Sadly they will just dabble until they quit. I hear the same thing from actors. They won't go to classes or get training, they are just waiting to be discovered. You may as well wait to win the lottery. Every overnight success I know in business and acting took at least 5 years to get there, and more often 10 years or more.
When you start becoming accountable to yourself, you find a new obstacle, your friends. How many times have you seen someone start a new gym membership and a month later stop going because they "don't have time". This is simple accountability. The way to do this is to set priorities. You must be number one. If you aren't healthy and happy, how can you spread that to other people?
You will know when you are in phase two when you hear yourself saying things like "I can go to the game tonight and the gym tomorrow" or "I don't need to look at 20 houses today, I'll go to the park with the dog, and look tomorrow". Procrastination is the enemy, and your friends don't want you to make them look lazy, so they are more than happy to help you avoid your goals.
The final phase is internalization. This is the point where goal sheets are no longer needed. You have a direction that is a fire inside you. You don't even think about going to the game on the night you have an acting class, or playing in the park before combing through 20 distressed homes you might be able to flip, or heading out with the neighbors instead of hitting the gym.
The fastest way to move forward is to find a coach, someone you are accountable to who truly supports you. Whey you pay them you are accountable. When you ask a friend or a spouse there is a danger that your goals might conflict with their goals or worse their fun time, so they will quit holding you accountable or let you slide.
It is very rare that anyone achieve goals without some coaching and outside accountability. There is a reason that Gyms have personal trainers and there is an industry of business and acting coaches.
The approved easy way secret to success is finding the right coach for you who wants you to succeed more then they want your money. Good Coaches aren't cheap, but the right one can payback huge dividends.
No comments:
Post a Comment